Unwanted Attention: Smile When the Wolves Come A-Whistlin’

archie wolf whistle “Here’s another scene for your mind’s eye. Half a dozen boys are congregated on the steps of Ye Ole High School. A captivating co-ed saunters by. What happens? You know! Six low wolf whistles are sounded.

Why? Well, as the boys would phrase it, it’s because she’s so — er, a — well you must admit she certainly is! Of course, if you happen to be the girl in question, it puts you on the spot. Just how are you supposed to respond to pass this test with flying colors?

If [the girl] looks neither to the right nor the left but marches self-consciously on, she is apt to be the target of even more whistles and wolfish remarks. Boys are thrilled when they can get a rise out of a girl. On the other hand, if she makes some playful retort, the boys are apt to get the idea that their wolf calls are appreciated — even welcomed.

The ideal solution seems to be for the girl to acknowledge the dubious tribute with a sweet smile (not coy or coquettish) and walk on, thus letting them know that she is not flustered, but neither is she unduly impressed.”

Date Data

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Welcome to the Madonna/Whore complex of simple, everyday strolling.

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Love in the Tub

Bubble bath woman

“Even your own bathtub is loaded with erotic potential. The bathtub in particular is one of the most imaginative and yet convenient love sites you can find. Somehow the privacy we ascribe to our bathrooms becomes charmingly wicked when invaded by two lusty lovers. The beautiful symmetry of a woman’s body has always been, to me, the most exciting vision God ever created. With her hair tucked up in a turbanlike towel and her body wet and shining with bubbles and water, she assumes the look of a nymph whose only purpose in life is to please you (if she’s in shape, anyway).”

The Sensuous Man

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Takeaway lesson: Tub time: Not for tubbies.

Halloween Costume Shopping with Hersteria!

Happy Halloween to my wonderful readers!

It’s that time once again! And what’s that? You’re stuck for a last-minute costume? Well, since last year’s crop of Hersteria Halloween costume suggestions were such a success, I’ve decided to bestow my help once again. Take a look at these fine ideas for a spook-tacular (yet modest!) outfit.

Vintage womens costume

Well, look at what we have here! Why, it’s (from left) a Sexy Disfigured Latin Fellow, a Sexy Goggle-Eyed Inn-Keeper, a Sexy Gertrude Stein, and that favorite among the children – Mystery Forest Ranger!

vintage woman costume

Who says you have to buy an expensive costume? Make this clever costume by wearing a stocking on your head, attaching felt circles to your cheeks, stuffing your bosom so it’s comically large, and finally adding a simple hat made of flowers and a large witch. Scary AND economical!
Vintage woman's costume

Here Gladys helpfully poses with the latest in Halloween fashion: on the left, a screaming cat shift; on the right, a pirate vest with, of course, a shoulder owl (as all pirates do). Both are worn over a hula skirt.

Vintage baghead costume

Be the life of the party as Baghead Billy Joel!

vintage rooster man costume

Of course, we would not omit the fellows in our costume party! Here, Wendell shows that he too can be the cock of the walk.

vintage phone costume

And finally, a delightful couples’ costume! I recommend the clever (but mildly uncomfortable) Sir Phoneface, accompanied by his lovely wife, Ma Bell.

Images via the Huffington Post, Vintage Vivant, Johnny Cupcakes, and Atypical Art.

Stranger Danger : The Good, The Bad, and the Squirrels

At one point or another, all children should be taught the difference between trustworthy and untrustworthy people. But how can you tell between the two? Well, Budget Raygun found this delightfully confusing pamphlet about good people vs. bad people vs…. bad animals.

Good vs Bad 1

It sure would be nice to paste in pictures of your real mother and daddy… if only daddy hadn’t gone out for smokes a year ago.

Good vs Bad 2

BAD people look suspiciously like mother and daddy. This will be something you will go into at length in about 20 years with your therapist.
Good vs Bad 3

Okay, sure. Sound advice, right? Children shouldn’t go off with strangers into sheds…

Good vs Bad 4

… and, um, strange squirrels. [Insert requisite nut joke here.]

Good vs Bad 5

As brought to you by the Harry J. Will Funeral Home! Goodnight, kids!

(Thanks to Anne H. for the tip!)

How to Manage, I Mean, Treat a Lady

Pillow Princess

“After interviewing scores of high school girls, I’ve discovered the one-two-three formula for making you a date knight on date night.

Interested? Okay, hang onto your hat (if you wear one), because here it comes. You may have heard that girls like the strong masterful type — swoon — and they do, but from a strictly feminine viewpoint, it seems like the idea has been a little misinterpreted.

A girl likes to feel managed in the sense that she is being helplessly swept off her feet into a whirlwind evening that has been planned to the last minute detail, whether it’s a movie with a Coke float afterward, or a swanky dance that calls for formal dress.

She likes to feel subdued because her date seems more capable more intelligent, and better versed in what’s going on in the world than she. However, to interpret “that masterful approach” as meaning that dream boat yearns to be treated as a slave girl several notches lower in a caste system, is to take a jet flight right off the beam. All girls, from the slick chicks right down to the plain Janes, like to be treated like fairy princesses on feather pillows, and the boy who can create this illusion will instantly see in his girl friend’s eyes a reflection of himself as a Greek god.”

 
Well, this is certainly one way to define “pillow princess,” I suppose.