Trouble in Mind: Those Sex-Obsessed Americans

frigid women valentine

“Compared to foreign women, American women are sexless. But their minds are almost constantly on sex. The American woman dresses sex, talks sex, dreams sex, reads sex, smirks sex, pretends sex, hints at sex, smells of sex, slinks sex, dances sex and wiggles sex, but take it from Mortimer, she is a cold, sex-starved potato. Her chief interest in men is what she can get out of them – or how she can enslave them.”

Women Confidential


Frankly, this all sounds exhausting. But what do I know — I’m just a cold potato.


Love in the Tub

Bubble bath woman

“Even your own bathtub is loaded with erotic potential. The bathtub in particular is one of the most imaginative and yet convenient love sites you can find. Somehow the privacy we ascribe to our bathrooms becomes charmingly wicked when invaded by two lusty lovers. The beautiful symmetry of a woman’s body has always been, to me, the most exciting vision God ever created. With her hair tucked up in a turbanlike towel and her body wet and shining with bubbles and water, she assumes the look of a nymph whose only purpose in life is to please you (if she’s in shape, anyway).”

The Sensuous Man


Takeaway lesson: Tub time: Not for tubbies.

That Lovin’ Spoonful: Adventures in Anti-Birth Control Arguments

“The twitching and jet stream of the male orgasm stimulate the female partner toward a sexual climax. In some women, this source of gratification is so important that methods of birth control which interfere with the impact of semen on the vaginal walls greatly impair sexual satisfaction.”

–The Marriage Art


My lands, was this written by a dude, or what? C’mon, ladies, he’s only thinking of YOUR pleasure!

Heavy Petting Practice with the Sensual Man

Sensuality exercise number 10:

“Finally, and most ludicrously, strip to the waist. Sit down at that same cluttered table with those identical items [fur pillow, bar of soap, cracker, leather glove, handkerchief, silk tie, dish of tepid water, slice of bread, suede t-shirt] –and, with your eyes closed again, rub your body with each item. Again–stop, lean back, lick the bread crumbs off your fingers, and remember the feel of each item. You are training your entire body to be a discerning instrument of sensation.

When you have finished the exercise and your tactile sensitivity has been expanded and refined, strip the rest of the way down and go take a shower. You’ll need it.”

The Sensuous Man


O,  I quiver at the very mention of “suede t-shirt.” Cold showers for everyone!


Other sensuality exercises from previous posts:

Uh, Honey, What Are You Doing?!: Sensuality Exercise #3

Thanks, but No Thanks: Sensuality Exercise #5

A Shot (Glass) in the Dark: Sensuality Exercise #7

American Men: Chumps

“American men have been raised on a fiction: that American women are soft, feminine and alluring. They forsake the freedom of single bliss and the grubby affairs in motels and automobile back seats for the fantasy that is held up on all sides of soft female flesh, partially hidden by a sheer black negligee; sex on silken sheets with a perpetually young and sylphlike wife with red lips and nails by Revlon and hair always in place by Toni. They dream of gay, perfumed nights of love courtesy of Sortilege.

Even before the honeymoon is over, the sucker discovers that in marrying an American woman, he sold himself into bondage to a domineering, sexless individual who regards marriage as a contest with a husband to see who is going to be the boss. And the poor chump always loses.”

Women Confidential


Them’s the breaks.

By the by, I had to look up Sortilege — while the author is probably talking about having a gay time (ahem) with the Canadian brand of whiskey/maple syrup liqueur, I’m choosing to believe he meant the ’80s French heavy metal band.

This is NOT a Hersteria-Approved Gift

Just so we’re clear, I do not endorse this as a holiday gift. I’m not entirely sure what this Kay Martin hussy is planning to give her suitor for Christmas, but intuition tells me it is probably something rather untoward.

(submitted by Mrs. Wendy M.)