Trouble in Mind: Those Sex-Obsessed Americans

frigid women valentine

“Compared to foreign women, American women are sexless. But their minds are almost constantly on sex. The American woman dresses sex, talks sex, dreams sex, reads sex, smirks sex, pretends sex, hints at sex, smells of sex, slinks sex, dances sex and wiggles sex, but take it from Mortimer, she is a cold, sex-starved potato. Her chief interest in men is what she can get out of them – or how she can enslave them.”

Women Confidential

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Frankly, this all sounds exhausting. But what do I know — I’m just a cold potato.

January Hussy of the Month!

Jan 2013 HOM

Bring out the Gimp.”
Gimp’s sleeping.”

“Wake him up, then. He’s late for school.”

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Why, yes, my dear ducklings, it’s the return of the Hussy of the Month! While this 1921 photo apparently depicts “Rubber beauty masks, worn to remove wrinkles and blemishes,” believe you me, these are hussies and they’re up to no good at all. Why, they’re probably writing a manifesto arguing to allow women to show their bare ankles.

(Image via Dangerous Minds. Thanks to Jim A. for the tip! And remember, if you have anything you’d like to share, simply email me.)

Hersteria’s 2012 Holiday Gift Guide!

Christmas booze bird

Hello, my darlings! Stuck for a last-minute gift? Last year’s Hersteria holiday gift guide saved many folks who found themselves in a present-buying pickle. This year I’ve found even more gifts that are bound to please even the crabbiest Scrooge on your list.

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Lady Gifts

hongkiatcom:blog:
Want to piss off your friends and neighbors? Buy the lil’ lady a sun lamp!

For more of that pampered, “fresh from a bath house” feeling, consider the Vibrafinger “gum massager!

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oddballdaily

No hair? No problem! Even women with alopecia will enjoy bathing their scalp in hot air with this hairdryer.

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Manly Gifts

foundinmomsbasement

Macho smells so manly that a phallic bottle was just obvious.

dailydawdle

We know now much kicking your man does in a day. That’s why we endorse these slacks, featuring an EXCLUSIVE CROTCH GUSSET.

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Gifts that Keep on Giving

bust cream_retronaut

You’d think Bust Cream would be just for the ladies, but YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Bust Cream can be also used as Food, making it a great gift for any couple (or hungry person) on your shopping list.

akai tap player ad

Chick History recommended this Akai video recording system. And since it comes with an invitation from a Penthouse Pet to attend a video taping session with them (?!), it truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

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(Images via Found in Mom’s Basement,  hongkiat.comThe Oddball Daily, Daily Dawdle, and Retronaut)

Adventures in Pickup Lines: Klee vs. Cosmo

bad pickup line

[The following is presented as an example of a “successful” pick-up line to be used in an art museum.]

“Stare at bizarre abstract for five minutes, then nod in judgement, poking cheek in tongue.

YOU: My five-year-old brother has a better notion of line and perspective.

SHE: (eyebrows raised): Better than Klee?

YOU: You don’t believe me? Look! (Pull folded charcoal line drawing of city skyline from your coat pocket.) Have you ever seen such a display of sweeping vision in conjunction with a draftsman’s precision…

This line may be a bit shaky unless your kid brother is in the same league with Klee. But maybe not, because she probably knows nothing about art. After all, Cosmopolitan sent her to the museum to look for men, not for culture.”

The Sensuous Man

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Well, obviously. It’s not like “culture” is going to teach you 101 ways to please a man.

Have a particularly bad pick-up line to share? Please comment!

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Other pickup tips from The Sensuous Man:

The Pickup Artist

Adventures in Pickup Lines: Ladies Love Seamen

(image via Comically Vintage)

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