Thanks, but No Thanks

“Sensuality Exercise Number 5:

You can usually tell a good lover by his tongue. If a man can make his tongue flutter like the wings of a hummingbird, or use it to nail flying insects from across the room, then he has an erotic instrument of incredible value–particularly when it comes to tickling a woman’s clitoris.

Here’s your first tongue exercise: Stick it out. Now, keeping it stiff, move it from left to right like a windshield wiper, touching the edge of the mouth each time. Do this exercise for thirty seconds initially, and slowly work up to sixty seconds. An effective psychological aid for this one is to pretend that you’re William F. Buckley, whose tongue would be marvelous for sex if it could be domesticated.

This exercise is specifically designed to prepare you for ‘The Velvet Buzz Saw.'”

—The Sensuous Man

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Words and phrases used in this description that guarantee the author should not be allowed near anyone’s how-do-you-do:

tickling

windshield wiper

buzz saw

“nail flying insects from across the room”

William F. Buckley

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Update: Here are a few other sensuality exercises from other posts:

• Uh, Honey, What Are You Doing?!: Sensuality Exercise #3

• A Shot (Glass) in the Dark: Sensuality Exercise #7

• The Sensual Man Presents: Sensitivity Training: Sensuality Exercise #10