Can the Sparkling Wit: How to Talk to Men

With the holidays upon us, it’s more than likely you’ll be called upon to put on a special frock, attend parties, and actually interact with other people. But how? 

Never fear! I have some quick ‘n helpful tips for ladies from a new resource in the Hersteria library: Your Power As a Woman: How to Develop and Use It. (The title is admittedly oxymoronic – putting “power” and “woman” together? I mean REALLY.)

 

1. Completely Change Your Voice

“Remember that the over-husky voice of many years ago is out. That was a little something which, no doubt, came out of the era when a speakeasy was a speakeasy and a voice was a lulling as the shout of a racetrack tout. Then came the sinus era, when we all went as tinny as the French and as raspy as a flock of macaws.”

So, retrain your speaking voice to resemble something between congested French and a strangled macaw. Easy enough.

2. Know Your Audience

“Never conduct a conversation with a woman in the same manner as you would with a man. No wise woman does. If you must be witty, be witty with your women friends – never with a man.”

Remember: If he knows the real you, he will never love you again. 

3. Keep Him Engaged By Not Engaging

“The best rule for you to follow in talking with a man is to be a good listener. Let him finish the thought he wishes to express. Try not to interrupt. In this way, you’ll be able to make intelligent comments and, when necessary, ask intelligent questions. By intelligent questions, I don’t mean, ‘How much money do you make?’ ‘What do you have in the bank?’ or ‘Don’t you think I’m lovely?’

Talking with a man can be a problem. A large number of men don’t like ‘The Girl with the Intelligent Question.’ They’re more attracted by ‘The Girl with the Right Answer.'”

The Right Answer being: “Can I get you another Manhattan?” 

 

And remember:

 

(image via Blog Tips)

 

How to Faint and Flutter: Swooning for the Everyday Gal

I am late to the Finishing School party, but OH MY LANDS AND STARS, what a find! 

In this particular missive entitled, “How to Faint in a Manner That Attracts a Certain Gentlemen,” ladies learn to properly flutter eyelashes and swoon without mussing one’s gown.

If only I had known these fine suggestions when I was attempting to attract the attentions of Mr. Hersteria! No, my mute, purposeful blinking while staring directly into his eyes was mistook as my having a paralytic fit.

Oh, we laugh about it now. 

 

(Thank you to Jim for the lead!)

No Booze, No Fun

 

Unfortunately, the Women’s Crusade’s kissing booth didn’t fare very well that year.

Some blamed the staunch anti-booze sloganeering. Others pointed to the fact that some of them looked like crazy men. 

(photo via Phineas via Retronaut)

When Should a Guy Marry?

“We have placed the best age for woman to marry between 20 and 25 years; for similar reasons, man is best qualified to become a husband between 23 and 33 years.

Previous to the twenty-third year, many a man is incapable of producing healthy children. If he does not destroy his health by premature indulgence, he may destroy his happiness by witnessing his children a prey to debility and deformity. An old German proverb says, “Give a boy a wife, and a child a bird, and death will soon knock at the door.”

– The Physical Life of Woman

“However will I tell her that Vince falls short of the 23-to-33-year-old age limit? And what’s with that German nonsense about a child and a bird?”

(Image via DC Comics Database)